"Be careful to keep your promises to children, whether they be to reward or punish. A child soon learns whether a parent means to do what is promised." - Benjamin Franklin, from THE OLD FARMER'S ALMANAC, 1893
Question: How can I get my child to do what I say?
KIDS ARE NOT ROBOTS!
Our Creator gave us FREE WILL (much to my chagrin sometimes!)
My son once asked me, "Why doesn't God FORCE us to do the right thing?"
I told him, "Well, - if we all HAD to...then he'd never know who REALLY loved Him!"
There is no way to make it easy or uncomplicated, but evidence CLEARLY SHOWS that a balance of LOVE and LIMITS, combined with good communication will result in your child understanding - that discipline and guidance are meant for their good.
(Some great age-specific tips on Discipline are at this link)
So How do you do THAT?
Answer: YOU MUST HAVE A PLAN!
In my opinion, first decide what needs to change to make it better:
Do YOU know what your kids need? Are they going in the wrong direction? Do you need help with the chores? Whatever it is -
Figure it out, THEN - Have A FAMILY MEETING!
AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION IS WORTH A POUND OF CURE!
As the proverb says, "The child left to himself brings his mother to shame..." I've been there, too! The minute you turn your back on them -YOU know - OOPS! It's no fun! Discipline is no fun either, but the rewards are better!
Do you need to be better at DISCIPLINING? A better word for Discipline is 'childtraining'. It doesn't need to be mean or cruel, but it does take TIME - and IS hard work.
Children who are not disciplined, don't feel loved. IT'S TRUE! If you don't train them properly, they don't think you care enough to notice WHO THEY REALLY ARE!
CHILDREN SPELL LOVE " T.I.M.E "
Are you spending enough time with them to notice what they are feeling? Doing? Get in touch with their true needs. Maybe those NEEDS are to spend more time with YOU. Even if they say, "Get away from me". They may think you don't really care. Of course they're wrong. You do. Regardless of what they may say, THEY WANT AND NEED A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
Once you get 'back in touch' with them, then
LET THEM KNOW IN ADVANCE WHAT IS AND IS NOT EXPECTED OF THEM!
Have a Family meeting where you explain the RULES and the REWARDS.
Stickers are not even needed- a simple check mark or happyface can give them a 'good mark' too! Use the charts to let the kids know that you are watching. You are paying attention to who they are becoming. You are keeping track and you care about them and want to teach them to make good decisions.
The end result will help them become better people.
THINK ABOUT WHAT MOTIVATES YOU and you will learn to MOTIVATE THEM!
CREATE and FOLLOW a P-L-A-N, and Life will become much easier for you AND for your child as you both know what to expect:
1- PLAN REGULAR FAMILY MEETINGS, where you discuss the things that are important to you, and what you expect to accomplish: your goals and aspirations as a family, as individuals, for yourselves and for the world.
2-WRITE DOWN YOUR FAMILY RULES and POST THEM on the WALL or FRIDGE (for instance: Be KIND, Be HELPFUL, RESPECT Others, etc). You will probably adjust your list to your family's needs as you go along. Remember that YOU have to follow the rules too!
3- As problems come up have a SPECIAL family meeting about it. Decide on who will do which CHORES at family meetings, too. Everyone will have a chance to have input and you will begin to see the wheels turning in their heads as the children think about fairness and justice in dealing with problems. They will begin to see themselves as part of a bigger whole; that they can work things out without resorting to violence or temper tantrums. DISCUSS how you want them to behave, what you expect from them(use the Behavior Pics if they fit), and choose age-appropriate Rewards and penaties IN ADVANCE. That way when an infraction of the rules arises (and it always will), you will be prepared mentally not to blow your fuse, but be able to calmly recall the proper punishment the family has previously agreed upon. (Some great age-specific tips on Discipline are at this link)
1: Make a 'ThankDon't Spank' BEHAVIOR CHART. PAY ATTENTION to what they do so you can 'reward' them when they do it right, and give 'consequences' when they don't. Always say PLEASE (be POLITE when you ask them to do something, expecting them to do what they are told.2- Always model the good behaviors you want them to do yourself. Try not to react in anger. You can let them know you are displeased, but in your anger do not over react! Use calm, logical response to a misbehavior, so you don't get 'sucked in' to bad behavior yourself. Pretty soon they will see they cannot win by acting inappropriately. STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!
3- PLAN what the CONSEQUENSE will be for when they disobey.
Check out the behaviors you are interested in reinforcing below. And isn't the best reward in the end the feeling YOUR CHILD will get - from being a good person?
How to tailor the thank-don't spank chart for YOUR child:
YOU know your child best. Follow your Instincts to tell you what things your child needs to learn most, and select those. In the following section are some of the things I rewarded my children for... and things that have been suggested by others, too. I'll be adding more, so keep checking back - why not suggest some of your own?ALSO - CREATE a PORTABLE chart you can carry with you in the car, to the babysitters, to keep track of behaviors while you are away from home too! Catherine sent me this idea and I think it's GREAT!
THANK YOU CATHERINE!
This is one of the BEST ideas I've seen in a LONG TIME!
If any of you need a plastic sheet protector and can't find them*, let me know, and I will mail you one!
I finally found some and will have a few extra on hand for a limited time only - so ask me NOW!
*I found mine at Staples, Office depot and Walmart but if you just can't find them, now's the time to ask me for one- FREE! (Limited to Continental US only - Sorry!)By the way - you can usually find Clipboards at the 99c store!
Here are some behaviors you may need reinforcing, along with the images I created ©Ruth Elliott, 2003-2010 :
WHAT A GREAT THING IT IS WHEN YOUR KIDS DO WHAT'S RIGHT!
Make sure to TELL THEM when they DO! If you have a BONUS GOOD MARK section on your CHART, you can give them an extra reward on the spot for those times when they are just so darn good you can't believe it! When you've been out and about, and they behave in public, you can also give them this good mark when you return home.
Need a quieter house? Have a family meeting - about the noise - or whatever issue you want to address, and decide on what time of day YOU need a quiet time period when it most bothers you. If you let them all know how much you really need it, their love for you will no doubt win them over. Agreeing in advance on rewards and consequenses for NOT keeping the the quiet time is also important. Kids feel secure when they know what the rules are.
Using our "Inside Voices"... ah... what a concept! If Mom and Dad can master them anyone can! That is the key! Use yours and when the kids hear you say "Use your INSIDE VOICE", they will see how lovely it is and want to sound like YOU! Though I was never very good at keeping the kids quiet for long, as long as it was FUN noise, it didn't USUALLY bother me, and sometimes I'd join in, get them to play music and sing - anything other than fight with each other! We ended up with many musicians in the family as a result. I heard that in addition to helping our bones, taking extra Calcium, Magnesium and Vitamin D keeps your ears from being oversensetive to noise, as well as helping avoiding muscle cramps and stress. With my seven kids I've always taken lots of vitamins hoping I wouldn't collapse from the strain. Maybe that (and prayer) was why I was able to endure it. Have you got a good idea how to instill a quiet and gentle spirit within? What do you do? Read the BIBLE? Zen meditation? SLEEP? (What a concept - If your children will settle down long enough to let you, that is!) When all else fails, try to laugh at yourself, read some jokes like these, or go in the closet, cry and ask God for help! You'll never get it right all the time so don't be so hard on yourself, OK? (Remember to make a chart - click here!)
Keeping your hands to yourself, or practicing patience - learning to wait, is part of mastering SELF CONTROL. Sure, when they are little, kids need plenty of opportunities to 'touch and feel' to learn about the world around them. But they also need to learn to respect other people's boundaries. You can use this image as a positive reinforcement for 'NO Whining or Hitting', as well! It's an important skill for getting along with others! Let your kid know you are watching, catch them when they are behaving themselves, and reward them for it!
Thank you Karen, for suggesting we needed an image for this
Waiting is hard, isn't it? I hate it too! The only reason I'm an artist today is that I used every moment I was bored by getting my fidgeting out on paper. Give your kids something to do while they wait and it will be productive time - invested - not wasted! Always have a book on hand, or paper and pencil available. They may even learn a trade!
Thanks again, Kylie for suggesting this one!
Getting dressed can be quite a challenge! Whether convincing them to get dressed in the first place, or helping them learn to do it themselves, it really pays to have a reward system in place so they know what's expected of them!
Many thanks to SHERRY for suggesting the idea we needed an image for "GETTING DRESSED without a FUSS"!
Getting the knack of putting your socks on is hard! Help your youngster by showing him how. An easy way is to put your hand all the way inside the sock first, then sliding it down from the top of the sock till you can grab it in your hand. Then stretch the mouth of the sock open, put your toes inside and pull it up over your foot!
Can your child get his own socks AND shoes on by himself? Fantastic! If they can't yet, help them learn how. Get shoes that are easy to put on till they are able to learn how to tie laces.
Boots are tough at first, especially if they have to go on over shoes! They sure come in handy in inclement weather though! If they learn how to put them on themselves it sure helps to get out the door, doesn't it?
Back east, or anywhere where the weather gets really cold, you really need these! And if the kids can learn how to put them on themselves, it saves a ton of time. Start today!
Leaving an activity when you are right in the middle of something is always a hard thing to do. Usually I tried to give my kids a ten minute warning if I could (and reminded them again when there was 1 minute left so they would know playtime was almost over). But I had to give MYSELF a little warning to slow down so I could wait the ten minutes! Sometimes we just can't wait, though, and it makes things much easier when our kids just come when we ask! If they know they will get rewarded with a good mark or sticker when they cooperate, it makes it that much easier!
Thanks to SHERRY for also suggesting the idea we needed an image for "leaving an activity/school without a fuss"!
BY THE WAY - I'm thinking of using this image for 'watch the younger ones' or 'babysitting', too. Do you have an idea? Please let me know if you think of another way of using any of the images!
HANGING UP YOUR OWN COAT or sweater is an easy job even a toddler can learn - if the hook is low enough. It isn't too hard to arrange things in your house so your kids CAN help. And worth every bit! Whatever you do to teach them practical skills now will come back to bless you later!
Thank you Karen, for suggesting we needed an image for this!
Have you noticed kids LIKE RULES? That's because rules keep people safe.
SHARING or PLAYING NICELY is a great rule to follow, and a way to learn to care about others besides yourself. Make sure you make a big deal over it when your child is generous. Similarly, when they are selfish and greedy, make sure you let them know you disapprove. I always told my kids, "The best way to make a friend is to BE one!" After a while they will see that they 'Get more Flies With Honey than with Vinegar'! You can also use this picture for 'PLAYING SAFELY'. I used to say to my kids, "Remember - getting hurt is against the rules!"
Research shows that ART opens the part of the brain that makes it receptive to math, science and spatial relationships. Creativity and imagination are important for the development of social skills, as well. Even Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." Leonardo DaVinci's advice to aspiring artists was, "Draw every day".
Throwing away trash can be FUN - if you get a sticker on your chart when you do! My kids got so excited they went around trying to find more, and finally came up with a few fuzzballs, just to get one more sticker!
Your child picking up dirty clothes off the floor can save you (and your back) a lot of trouble. Remind them after EVERY bath or shower, and even say, "LOOK! I see a sticker you can earn - Right on the floor there!" (ALSO - See the section on Helping your child to CLEAN their ROOM)
What a JOY! To see your child's shoes put away! It only takes a consistent reminder for a while to develop into a habit of a lifetime. Every time you see those shoes on the floor, DON"T pick them up! Tell your child, "OH! I see some stickers you can earn - Right there on the floor!"
What is the secret that Doctor's and politicians use so they won't get sick, even though they touch people who are ill and shake hands all day? It's not just WASHING HANDS - it's also this: NEVER TOUCH YOUR FACE - UNTIL you wash your hands first! Kids love to touch their face - but make sure they knows they MUST wash hands FIRST! It may take a while to teach them, but it can be done. And even if he does bring a bug home from school on occaision, YOU won't catch it too, if you follow the same proceedure.
"Good manners are the oil of human machinery" - Ruth Elliott
Who can resist a child with good manners! Let your child see a Shirley Temple movie or the Freddie Bartholomew version of LITTLE LORD FAUNTLEROY if you want them to see how cute they will be if they can develop good manners. 'Please' and 'Thank You' are the beginnings. Make sure you NEVER give in to whining and only when they ask politely for something. Remind them if they are rude, "Oh, I am so sorry I cannot give you _____ right now. You did not ask politely. I can't give you a sticker, either." Later, if they ask appropriately, but it is something that isn't good for them right now (a cookie before dinner, or TV before bedtime, etc.) you can be very enthusiastic about their good manners, and say something like "I'm so proud of the way you asked me that! I can't give it to you now, but I will CERTAINLY give you a sticker for the way you asked me!" Then they will see that even when they don't get their own way they will still be rewarded in SOME way.
We all know the value of Reading to a child's success in school, and in life. Stress the joy of reading, make it something you do with them every day, and not only will they earn stickers, but apride in themselves as they can excell in learning.
MATH helps your child's success in school, and in life, too! Practicing math CAN be fun! It's been shown that art actually improves your brain function and can raise your math scores, too. Check out EDU DESIGNS to learn more about it!
Make a game out of putting toys away, and suddenly it's not such a chore! If the toys are not breakable, they can even practice 'shots' into the toybox with them to see if they can make a goal! If they miss, they will still get a sticker when they go over and put it back the regular way.
Brushing Hair can be a real FIGHT, if the child won't do it and won't let YOU do it, either. I have a few photos of my first child looking like Don King before I learned how to teach her how to brush her own hair! Once they realize it really will get easier (and THEY will get a sticker) if they do it often, YOU can breathe a sigh of relief (and not panic when you go out into public with them again)! (TIP: While shampooing, try to wash and rinse the hair in one direction only, and always use a conditioner to avoid mussing the hair as much as possible. It will really help with de-tangling, and help to end the pain! When brushing, start at the bottom tips of the hair first, gradually working your way up to the top of their head to avoid the 'ouch'.) Give them the job of brushing their own hair after it is already de-tangled at first, until they have learned how to do that themselves easily.
How can you get your child to eat vegetables? Show them how much fun they are to eat, as well as earning them a sticker! Tell them that they will know when they are grown up when they start liking vegetables! It also helps if you prepare them well. But even Frozen vegetables are tasty! When my daughter bumped her head one day, I went to the freezer and got a bag of peas to put on the bump. (It conforms to the shape of whatever 'owie' you may have!) She became bored and began eating the peas. Frozen peas are very tasty on a hot day! Nadia sent in an idea to use this one to mean "Eat all your dinner",too!Great Idea, Nadia!
Even a very young child can learn to brush his own teeth - (if not perfectly, he can TRY) - and when he gets a sticker for it will just make it even better! We just need to remember to remind them! My mother would always require us to brush before going to bed and it became a habit. Now I brush 2-3 times a day because I like the way it feels to have clean teeth. Remember the old saying, "TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO, AND WHEN HE IS OLD HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT!"
It's usually a fun thing to take a bath, but once in a while it takes the reward of a sticker to pull them away from activities and 'jump in'. When my kids took their bath before bedtime I found it relaxed them and gave them the idea that the day is now 'winding down'. I would stay close by, and be ready to help, watch, teach and instruct as they would remember to not just play, but wash!
Many times kids are having so much fun they 'forget' they have to go until it's too late! "Trying on the Potty" can be a reward for kids to remember to go! Many thanks to Adeah for suggesting this one! She wrote, "Thank you for the resources on your website! I have been looking everywhere for a behavior chart my 3 year old can read! Lovely pictures! I would like to suggest "Trying on the Potty" we are rewarding our daughter with praise for trying on the potty.
Thank you again!
Cheers,
Adeah!"
Remember my Potty Training Page? Click here for Tips!
Getting your Pajamas on might seem easy for YOU, but to a little kid it can be a major accomplishment! If it's something you (and they) struggle with, use this image on your good mark chart for positive reinforcement!
BEDTIME can be hard for Moms (or Dads) AND their kids. Just when you think the day is over, If not properly handled, it can turn into a nightmare! You can't just say, "go to bed" and expect them to obey, unless you set up a routine! You need to have a transition time, before bed, to make things smoother. By making and following a PLAN consistently, these tips can help. Many others have good ideas, too! Let me know if you find some techniques that work for you! FOR INSTANCE: (My daughter-in- law shared an excellent book with me, that I wish I had known about when my kids were little - see TODAYS TIP in the yellow section to the right for info on that!) I was not always successful in getting the kids to bed quickly. With my 7 kids, sometimes it took me 30 minutes just to say prayers and kiss them all goodnight! However here are some things that did work to make bedtime a better experience for us:
1.Plan for 'BEDTIME' at least 1 HOUR EARLIER: Make it clear to yourself and your kids in advance what time you want the kids to actually be asleep. Then begin preparations for bedtime long before that time. To get a good sleep 1- AVOID stimulating activities for a few hours before bedtime: During this time do NOT: play loud music, read scary stories, engage in physical activities (no pillow fights, no dancing or exercise), NO TV or Computer (the light from the TV or Monitor stimulates the Pineal gland, signaling the body to 'wake up)'. If you want them to go to sleep by 9PM, start them at 8 PM. Make sure they brush their teeth go to the bathroom, drink a glass of water at this time. (Actually a glass of water at bedtime is recommended by this doctor). If they have to 'pee' they can do it in that last hour before bedtime.
2. HAVE a QUIET TIME before bedtime: Whether it’s 10 minutes or 20 minutes, have a transition time before you turn out the lights, and call it "QUIET TIME". If you have younger kids this may be when you read them a story each night. Children love routines, because it creates a feeling of security to know that they can count on the same thing happening each night. Older kids may want to read to themselves, draw, listen to peaceful music or storybooks on tape/CD, or play quietly. Make sure they know that when the time is up that there will be ‘Lights Out’ at the appointed time. Quiet time can be a good time for you to be involved, too. You can monitor your child's emotional state and see if there is anything troubling them from the day's activities. You might want to talk things over at that time when they are undistracted and it's easier for them to express things that may be bothering them. If you are a working parent, this may be the only time you really have together in the day. The heck with the dishes and your chores during this time, mom! These will be times you will treasure in the future after they are all grown up and moved away!
3. When ‘Quiet Time’ is over, announce it: "Quiet time is over now- time for 'LIGHT"S OUT'. Expect complaints! This is normal! However, remind them that in order to get their sticker for 'GOING TO BED WHEN TOLD' they must go to bed NOW (but DO let them go to the bathroom one last time if they have to!). If you are a praying person, SAY PRAYERS just after "LIGHTS OUT". When my kids were little, sometimes they would even fall asleep while we were praying (sometimes I would, too!). In any case, this prepares their minds to close their eyes, lay aside all worries and leave them with their Creator. If they tend to be afraid when it's dark prayer time can also instill a greater sense of security that Mommy or Daddy is still in the room for a few moments with them, so they won’t feel afraid to be alone. After all this is done, if they are still asking to stay up more, be FIRM. Give a kiss and with a gentle reminder say, "Tomorrow is another day - it's time to go to sleep now" If your voice is kindly and firm,then those will be the last words that resound in their heads as they fall asleep.
STAYING IN BED..ALL NIGHT and not sneaking OUT of bed (except to go to the bathroom-always make sure they do that before going to bed!) Lots of exercise during the day (but not before going to bed) will help to wear them out - and avoiding sugar also helps a good night's sleep. If your little ones are like mine were, though, they can always think of a reason why they don't WANT to sleep. But if they know you won't budge, and they need to stay there to get their treat at the end of the week, it may give them the impetus to do what they're supposed to! Sometime having a large teddy to sleep with helps, too!
Thank you Karen, for suggesting we needed an image for this!
Getting kids up on time can wear you out before the day has begun! Getting to bed early the night before and having a good night's sleep is always the best way to keep kids from fighting getting up, but I also found a good routine was to wake them up with happy words for the day. I would walk into their room and pray out loud, "Thank you God for this beautiful brand new day you made! Thank you for watching over us all night. Thank you that I can put my trust in you. Help me to do my best in everything today! AMEN!" And then I'd say "Time to get up now, kids!"
As they'd get older and could wake themselves (usually by the time they were teens), I'd get them an alarm clock - and they'd try getting up themselves. A special enticement of a few extra dollars at the end of the week for successfully getting up and ready for school on time didn't hurt either! We usually gave them 50 cents for each day they made it on time- or docked them that amount if they didn't. I don't know what the going rate is today!
Kindness to animals is such an important part of learning to be a good human being. Begin as early as possible to model kindness to animals yourself. It is a fact that people who mistreat or abuse animals are five times more likely to engage in other violent behavior.Intentional cruelty is a warning sign. Monkey see, monkey DO! If you see your child acting mean or cruel to an animal, rush to the animal's defense, express your great sadness and dismay, and compassion for the animal. Say, "How wouldYOU feel if YOU were them?" If it is YOUR pet, show them how to Pet, hold, feed, or handle the animal properly, yourself.
NOTE: If it is not your animal, establish a rule never to touch an animal that you do not know. I always told my children NEVER to touch other people's animals without the owner's permission and guidance first, just to be on the safe side. If it is OK for them to touch the animal, then hold their hand in the proper position to "pet nicely", and show them how. Really small children should never be left alone with an animal in a room - for their safety and the animal's. If you need more information on how to handle an animal, (or perhaps NOT to!) get more information at your local library, humane society or ZOO!
Feeding Pets is a chore that brings joy to the child and the pet! Make sure they wash the dish EACH DAY before feeding, and their hands afterwards. Health and safety are important for the pets AND the children!
Many thanks to Cathie for suggesting this one!
Fresh Water is SO important for the health of your pet! Make sure to provide it at ALL times. Your child should clean and rinse the bowl first, THEN fill with water. If you have more than one child, one can do the feeding, and one the watering job. Many thanks to Cathie for suggesting this one, too! Great mom's like you make all the difference!
What fun it is to feed the birds! If you have a place in your heart for them, perhaps you can find a place in your back yard, balcony, windowsill or along a fence where you can let your child safely feed your feathered friends once a day. It makes them happy and your child will earn a sticker too, while he learns compassion! Whether you give only a slice of bread a day, or actually put up a bird feeder, you will be helping to save the lives of these endangered species. Because of the shrinking wilderness, wild birds, once common, are gradually finding less and less room to dwell in our cities. Healthier animals are less likely to get sick. You can help them out! Click on the link below to learn how you CAN help!
This spring, enjoy watching all the beautiful birds and other small animals gathering at your wildlife-friendly haven. Join National Wildlife Federation’s nationwide network of wildlife enthusiasts by creating a Certified Wildlife Habitat™ in your yard today.
Taking care of plants can be a valuable step in developing into a caring individual. Whether it's outside or inside, give them a small plant to check on daily. Let them learn how to see if it needs water (Is the soil dry? Are the leaves Droopy or getting Yellow?) and help them learn to give just the right amount of water when it needs it, not too much. For really young children, so a small plant won't be overwatered, provide a container with just the right amount of water in it. (Tip - you can't 'over-water' a pine tree. Your child can water for a long time and use the hose! Just make sure you stand there with them!
When kids come home from school - what's the first thing they should do? PUT THE SCHOOL BAG AWAY, of course! Make sure you set a place for it! A cubby, a corner or a closet will do - as long as you decide where it goes!
Thanks to Kylie in Australia for suggesting this one!!
It really helps to school on time if the kids get the backback ready beforehand! On the day BEFORE, and after homework is done is a good time to assemble all the things needed for the next day, to avoid the before school rush in the morning. I only wish I had done that all the time when I was a kid myself!
Homework may not always be fun, but if your child knows a sticker will forthcoming, the long range benefits will be easier to strive for!
If you show your child the first time, the good example will be something they will want to strive for. Even if it's not up to 'army perfect' standards, they can still get a sticker for making an effort to do their best!
I think you know what this one is for! USING YOUR WORDS! Say to the kids, "Use your WORDS! I can't understand you when you scream and yell!
Thanks to Kylie in Australia for suggesting this one, too!
Who sets the table anymore? LOTS OF PEOPLE DO! It's a great skill to learn and makes mealtime oh so much nicer to be civilized. If you haven't tried it in a while, give it a go and see what a difference it makes to eat together as a family. Statistics have shown that family relationships blossomed when folks turned off the TV and actually turned on to listening to each other at mealtime! What a concept! And it makes a fun chore to 'set the table'!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
Some parents have trouble getting their kids to EAT! Mine never did, but then I always remembered my moms advice to avoid sweets before meals - "They spoil your apetite!", and another thing she always said was, "HUNGER IS THE BEST SAUCE!"
Clearing your dish from the table is one of the first 'jobs' a child is capable of doing well! They will get in the habit as long as you remember YOUR job - of being the CEO of your family - by explaining thoroughly what to do. The added bonus of a reward at the end of the week helps to oil the machinery!
Thank you Karen, for suggesting we needed an image for this!
As kids get older (don't wait too long - I started them at 3 or 4 !), take advantage of their desire to feel important and needed by letting them wash their own dish. If they are little, they can get to play with the bubbles in the sink while you are washing and pretty soon they will want to do more than watch. Give them one dish to start, but before long they will want to do more. We used to make an assembly line when we had more kids to help: One would do the washing on one side of the sink, then pass it to the next one who would rinse it, and the last (or me) would check to make sure it was REALLY clean and place it in the drainer to dry and/or put away (or send it back to the soapy side again if it's not clean enough). LOT's of fun - REALLY! Sing or play music while you are washing and it can bequite jolly! Work can be fun and not a chore if YOU are not a bore!
As soon as they are big enough (go ahead - rearrange your kitchen so they CAN reach the dishes!) - LET THEM HELP put them away! Better yet - you can limit the number of dishes to one for each person in your house. Give them their own special plate, bowl, cup, spoon, and fork. Provide each with their own special place where theirs will go (on the counter, cubby or place they can reach if they are little) They can be responsible to wash, dry and put them away wach time. You'll get rid of the mess of paper plates and be eco-friendly TOO!!!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
If you mess it up, CLEAN IT UP! Wherever there's a mess - kids can learn to CLEAN IT UP - and get a good mark or sticker for it!!! Or if it's someone elses mess? give them an extra good mark!
Sweeping is fun! It's a great chore to get a sticker for! Have you taught your kids how? It's a valuable skill you'd be surprised how few kids know how to do these days! But once you get the knack - you never forget!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
The older kids can really get into mopping the floor if you show them how. Give them the chance! It doesn't have to be as perfect as YOU can do it, to really help out!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
Kids can learn to pick up stuff off the floor at almost any age (they do it anyway, even when you DON'T want them to, right?) So use that to your advantage, to teach them to pick up their own trash, and to help mommy clean the floor. Teach them the rule of never touching their face until they wash their hands and to wash hands after picking up trash - that way they will learn to avoid germs, too!). I would tell my kids, "OH! LOOK! I see a sticker someone can earn! There's some trash that needs picking up!" and they would all run to pick it up!
Vacuuming should really be divided into TWO jobs:
One of the kids to PICK UP the BIG stuff first - "anything bigger than a penny", I would tell my kids (because sucking up a penny cost me $40 dollars at the repair shop once!) - THEN the other person can do the vacuuming.
Thanks to Diane for suggesting vacuuming!
Only the big kids get to do this - and I'm sure they will be proud - a great reward in itself!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
Cleaning the bathroom is definitely a chore that needs to be supervised and taught carefully. Thank goodness you can now get natural eco friendly cleaning products that do a fine job and are safer to use. You might need to divide the job into several parts if it's too overwhelming (the sink, the mirror, the toilet, the floor, taking out the trash, etc.) at first. Remember to inspect the job each time after they do it! Don't let anyone get away with being sloppy!
Remember to tell them, "A job worth doing, is worth doing WELL! " Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
If you break up the job of 'Cleaning the Bathroom' into smaller tasks, it will make it easier to tackle- Especially if you have younger kids, or MANY kids. When the mirrors are clean it really tops it off! Though mostly for older kids, even the little ones can wipe the glass after you do the spraying, as long as they can reach it!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
Another job you can give in the 'bathroom Department' is Refilling the Toilet Paper. It's a bit tricky at first, but show 'em your secrets of how YOU do it without the whole thing falling to the floor each time. THEN what a joy it will be when they finally get it right and can help out!
Usually when I think, "I'll do this to help the next person out" - that person ends up being ME!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
This is a job most kids can do! By all means - let them do it!
Taking out the trash to the trash can is a bigger job!
Even little kids can learn to fold a wash cloth!
"Smaller duties prepare us for larger ones! "
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
Hey - it isn't THAT hard to do!
Thanks to Diane for suggesting this one!
When you are in need of a help to get a special job done, or just trying to instill the ability to follow orders, make a game of 'doing what you are told'. In a pleasant and mannerly way, explain in advance that you may require their help without warning once in a while; then ask them politely when it does come up, and you will meet with less resistance as they realize good will come of it in the long run (not only by getting a sticker, but in the satisfaction of being a good helper). I used to announce, "I have an extra job that needs to be done - who wants it?" and usually I would have to think of more than one job, due to the willing volunteers. This item is good for jobs or behaviors that might come up that need positive reinforcing on the spot. Your kids may begin to see that in life messes and things sometimes come up that weren't expected, but are still required to do, just as Mom and Dad have lots of things THEY have to do that aren't always 'on the list'!
Having trouble gettting your kid to put on his seatbelt? Keep it on? What can you do? Make a small portable chart to take with you! (Print them up FREE from this link!) Let them know you are STILL watching - and that they can earn good marks for behaving in the car or when you are out in public!
One mom I know would say to the kids, "Well, I guess we're not going anywhere - till you put it on..." If they say, "Great! I didn't want to go anyway" just let them know that:
1 - they don't have a choice
2 - You are the parent, they are the child and you know more than they do...and...
3 - It's against the law! You can always tell them you will call the police and have them come to explain it to them if needed! They will usually change their mind.
Keeping your child safe is your #1 concern - especially when you're in a public place, or crossing the street. Your best security is to hold their hand - but some kids will resist! When we were kids we'd have the youngest child hold mom's hand and the oldest holding their other hand. We didn't argue with it - it was just one of mom's rules - but if you give them a good mark or sticker on their chart too it can really help!
Saying Prayers. Before meals... Before bed! Anytime!
Thanks to Rebecca for suggesting this one!
We all influence one another. I love what THIS mom said about the 'DOMINO theory!
Thanks to Catherine for suggesting this one!
I've heard you say it a thousand times, "HANG UP THAT TOWEL AFTER YOU DRY YOUR HANDS!" Towels are hard to put up for little ones. They will learn fast if YOU show them HOW !
Thanks to Lesley for suggesting this one!
> Don't know which Rewards or Punishments to use? Check out these tips! (THEY REALLY WORK)
1: Make a 'ThankDon't Spank' BEHAVIOR CHART
2: Learn what MOTIVATES people
3: Learn how to use CONSEQUENSES
4: PLAN your STRATEGY
Want to improve the future? Improve your child's character! It's the only thing we can do to help the world! Visit Edu Designs for more information on what YOU can do!
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CALLING ALL MOM'S!
Have a good idea you want to share with other moms? Every mom has a secret that works for her! Let other mom's know & you will be benefiting their children too!
TODAY'S TIP:
WANT TO RAISE A CROOK?
HERE'S HOW (Click here)
INTRODUCING: A 'WOW' of a MOM and wonderful designer I met on MAMASOURCE :
Support this Great Lady's way of inspiring and advocating important messages... hope and love & creativity for all of us, and our children. Her boutique of original designs are available on T'shirts, and more by clicking on the picture above or at this link: littlegoogoo
Here's a NEW BOOK by
WONDERFUL MOM and enthusiastic storyteller,
Juliet Johnson:"Somebody's Always Hungry" is filled with short, profoundly insightful and funny stories about the insanity (and joy) of raising young kids. You will rock with laughter and tears as you realize: "SOMEBODY FINALLY UNDERSTANDS ME!" You can check out the book at: www.somebodysalwayshungry.com
Thanks, moms, for all your good ideas!
I was grateful for this email from Nadia:
"I just LOVE your cartoons! I showed my 2.5yr old daughter and she knew EXACTLY was each item was!
I was just wondering if you had any more drawings? There are a few that I need ......I'm using the eat veggies & fruit one for 'eat all your dinner'......
another one....use your 'inside voice ...inside!
There are a few others but I can't think right now! Thanks - please let me know if you have more cartoons.......thanks!!!!
All YOU Moms - Please keep 'em comin'!
EMAIL ME!
"Making the Terrible Two's Terrific"
by
John RosemondClick here for more of his books
These are NOT advertisements - just personal recommendations from other moms sharing something that helps us to be better parents.
Why are theTERRIBLE TWOS so terrible?
Because:
"You keep them from doing what they want to do, and they keep YOU from doing what YOU want to do!"
–Ruth ElliottActually the 'terrible twos' can be a great experience of learning and rediscovery of your own childhood when you take the time needed to discover, along with your child, the wonder of the world around you. As they find out what you already know, you can help them learn the limits of safety within the framework of a loving environment. And then it doesn't have to be terrible! But they can't do it without you! And you might not get all your work done! However, the work done with your child is never wasted! Your child will only be little ONCE! Take advantage of those teachable moments when life is fascinating to them, and they still want to listen to you! When they are teenagers it will be too late. I heard someone say once, "The time to discipline a teenager is when he's three years old." I wish I knew who said that. I'd give them proper credit.
Bottom line - the effort you expend when your child is little will be worth it later on when you see how much they have grown into people you respect and are proud to know!
Reinforce good behaviors! Help your little one make an "I CAN" book! Click here to find out how!
©Ruth Elliott, 2008
"I have 20 years of Child Development and 5 years of Motherhood under my belt so far! Your ideas are wonderful and very practical!" - Barbara
Barbara sent in this GREAT tip on using the sticker chart:
"I absolutely swear by the sticker chart approach. One idea that I came up with when working with my son's sticker chart is that he puts a sticker on his day of the week when he's completed his tasks for the morning by the time the timer goes off. If he gets a sticker for every day of the week, I give him a dollar. If he doesn't on a particular day, he gets an "X" on that day, and loses a privelege. If he gets an "X" two days in a row, then he loses an additional privelege from the one he lost the first time.
Because the chart I use is mainly for the weekdays to make sure he's ready for school on time, he will not lose any more than 3 priviledges in the week. (Of course, for him the priveledges are huge: 1. No watching TV/Movies, 2. No Nintendo or Gameboy, 3. No computer time).
Having it set up this way, gives him incentive in two ways: if he gets stickers all week, he can get a dollar at the end of the week, and also not lose any priveledges. This way, if he gets an "X" on any day, he will not lose incentive and then not care for the rest of the week.
This system works best for my son. It helps him stay on task, and helps me not stress so much because he is aware of the consequences of his actions. I am also able to focus on my tasks better in the morning because I don't have to worry about keeping after him."THANKS from all the MOMS, Barbara!
GOT A GOOD IDEA that works for YOU? Let me know! If you share something, you've given your permission to share it with others. THANKS!Having trouble getting your kids to sleep?
Nancy Elliott highly recommends this excellent book to new Mothers:Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
by Marc Weissbluth(Click on the name of the book to take you to a site that describes it further):
-Partial quote: "Dr. Marc Weissbluth, distinguished pediatrician and father of four, offers his groundbreaking program to ensure the best sleep for your child. In Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, he explains... his step-by-step process... This valuable sourcebook contains brand new research..."
- Above is a partial quote from the site that sells the book - This is not a paid advertisement. I get nothing from it but the satisfaction of sharing something that helps others be better parents.
DON'T CALL ME 'STUPID'!
The great child psychologist, Dr. James Dobson wrote DARE TO DISCIPLINE, in which he shares how a parent must lay down some rules that children must never cross, and one of them was in never using name-calling, like "stupid". Kids NEED to know that YOU'RE in charge, not them. HIS BOOK SAVED MY LIFE!
----In my experience there are many ways to get your point across without spanking. I seem to remember my mother being very firm with us kids, without even hitting us. First of all, she was bigger, and could sound autoritative as she declared, "I have been around on this earth a long time and know a lot more than YOU do, and I can tell you right now you're never going to get anywhere in life with that type of behavior!" She helped me see that perhaps I was in the wrong! Then she would lecture us about life and how to behave, and let us know what would happen if we did it again.
Surround your children with GOOD people who are examples of how you want him to behave! (see 'GOOD MANNERS') That will go a long way to helping kids see the light, and setting a new 'tone' for the feeing of a happy home. Kids (and parents, too) feel secure when they know what the rules are.
WHAT ABOUT TV?Evidence in neuroscience and psychology reveals that EARLY EXPOSURE to TV can be harmful to a child's brain and development. It is better to keep your child away from, or strictly limit TV, computer use or video games until after 3 years old, and even some agree that it is better to wait until after 5 or 6 years before exposing them to it. Since our primary relationship with the world comes through relating - to PEOPLE - we learn to be much smarter about the REAL world through real life. Anything else is going to lead to problems one way or another. Though all kids love it, the harmful effects of too much TV and Video games too early in life are well documented. (Candy is fun, too, but you have to control it with kids, or it will turn them into monsters and give no real nutritional value). Look up "harmful effects of TV on young children" on google. IF bad examples of how to behave are walking through the door through the TV, then CLOSE THE DOOR! You're in charge! So don't let the TV be the boss! Shut IT up, too!
Use TV selectively, as a reward for work done, or as an educational tool. If you limit it to no more than a half hour at a time there is more opportunity to emotionally process what was seen, and to be able to analyze it objectively. When your kids do, watch what they are watching! Comment on the things you see - if it is teaching untruths use the time as a teaching tool to explain to your children so they will not fall for the subtle manipulation of the movie makers or advertisers.
There's no substitute for HANDS-on, REAL world experiences to learn things by.
I started this website with tips to help moms and dads organize the kids and help behavior issues, because so many other people helped me when I needed it. Certainly am not an expert, but I have a heart for what parents are going through. Don't give up - on yourself or your kid - OR your SPOUSE! THEY were once a little kid too. Persistence is the key to success in anything, and nobody is perfect! No matter how hard we try, we are all 'fix up projects'. So keep it up! It's worth it. Improvement takes time and effort, and FORGIVENESS! We ALL need THAT. As long as you are not being abused, your relationships are worth holding on to.
If you are being abused, or want to know more, check out these LINKS on Domestic Abuse and Warning signs. Plus how to get help here: NDVH and Helpguide.
Is your child ABUSIVE?
"My kid is acting just like my ex!"
Is someone acting like an abusive family member who is no longer in the home? I heard a psychologist say that when one family member leaves the nuclear family unit (through death, divorce or some other reason), that someone else in the family will began imitating that persons role, so that things will feel the 'same'. If you had a previous family member who was abusive, and now is no longer in the home, it might explain why suddenly your child is acting just like the departed family member. But in any case, you must let your child know in NO uncertain terms that these behaviors are unacceptable. --- Try this: if anyone is verbally abusive walk out of the room and say, "I'm sorry, but I can't talk with you while you're acting like that". If you want to learn more about it, check out these links on Domestic Abuse and Warning signs. If you or someone you know is being abused, don't wait. Check out these links: NDVH, and Helpguide. There are people who are there to help.
PROBLEMS?
We all have them.
SOLUTIONS?
Some have more than others...
Check out:
They have answers...
Forgetful Lately? Heard about 'MOMNESIA'?
Not surprising when you calculate that a new mom loses an average of 450-700 hours of sleep the first year alone! It's part of the survival instinct to keep mom's attention on what really matters - their babies! So the rest of the world goes on the back burner. Sounds natural to me!
click here for an article about it!
Are Art and Virtue disappearing from the schools? Children need to learn more.
Did you know that learning Art helps Math skills improve?
Do you wish schools could get materials that help kids learn Art and reinforce Math standards, too?
Help kids go from Greed to Gratitude.This book really helps!
WIN a copy of THIS BOOK!
THE RICHEST KID IN THE POOR HOUSE"
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